Heh

The weird guy in the cubicle across from me just told someone on the phone, “It's wide, but it's short.” Proud of my self for not laughing out loud.

Saucy

A data relationship management bug is causing my previously-working code to break. Checked with Russ about it in the morning then he wandered by this afternoon:

Russ: Was wondering if I can help you with your Relationships problem.
Sean: NO. But thanks.
Russ: Well I thought…
Sean: I've been dating men for over thirteen years now. It's great that you're married and family life suits you. And while I appreciate the concern, I really don't know what you can do.
Russ: …

All that rolled off my tongue so smoothly it was amusing to watch his stunned face processing. Earlier in the day my cubicle neighbor got observant via IM:

Jeff : odd so very odd . . . how is it you actually function in this world?
Sean: DENIAL, ALCOHOL, AND OCCASIONAL SEX WITH OTHERS.
Jeff : and I am guessing the alcohol helps with the others?
Sean: REQUIRED

Maybe I should go drinking tonight. After all, it is the 75^th anniversary of the end of prohibition.

I Work Here

My coworkers are great. When I went up to Duluth with John they had this bucket of Frozen Cosmo bliss that I have been unable to find around here. This morning Theo brought over a “Black Cat” bucket that he found over the weekend. Just have to add Vodka and mixer. It's going to be so good but I'll have to clear out some pesky food out of the freezer.

Every hour I sneak in a four-part set with the little 8lb weights I keep under the desk. Since our cubicles don't have high walls it must look entertaining. Just had the following IM:

Jeff: Sean Simmons
Sean: With less hair... Sweating Like An Oldie!
Jeff: as a gay man, would you consider him gay?
Jeff: or is it an act?
Sean: I'm pretty much afraid of him, so I try not to think about it.

Gave us both a laugh. Moments like this remind me how fortunate I am.

Been a While

Tim gave me a ride into work this morning—sorta novel. The plan is to sneak out a little early then he's going to pick me up. Hopefully we'll beat the weekend rush hour traffic; with so many people living across the border, it gets wild.

So we pull up to the front of my building and I lean in for a kiss when my boss walks right in front of the car. I laughed then said, “Oh look, my boss.” Tim wished me a good day at work after another quick peck.

My boss was holding the door open and said, “So… getting rides into work now, eh?” I was actually blushing, which he enjoyed pointing out. “Did you think I would be surprised?” he asked as we walked back into the department. Was hard to explain what I was feeling. Whatever it was, it did feel nice.

Productivity

No one on my team is here yet. Neither of my managers is here. This is totally the Friday before a three-day weekend.

Got my car into the dealership. The initial estimate is about $300 but I know that will go up. If it were just upkeep I'd prolly have it back before noon but there's two pending recalls to look at. Not only my master cylinder but the daytime running lights. The useless desk person smiling said it could be as late as 4pm. Yet I suspect I'll need brake work.

In the interim, I've been loaned a shiny new Scion xB. I liked it for about five minutes. The gears are too far forward, practically on the dashboard. The speedometer and gauges are in the middle of the dash. The arm rest isn't equal with the door rest. Outside visibility is awkward. And it's like driving a bucket. Heh. Guess I'm not ready to ditch the two-seaters yet.

Below the Neck

At lunch with two workers teasing back-and-forth about looking at women's chests randomly. I mostly sat back, rolling my eyes, until it reminded me of something at the gym on Saturday. Was totally checking out this ripped Austrian-looking guy who was coming in as I was walking out. When he said, “Hello.” I looked up from his pecs in total surprise, thinking to myself something along the lines of, “Oh yeah! The body does have a head!!” *snicker* So instead of adding anything hypocritical to my coworker's banter, I laughed along.

Secure

The company has been going through PCI compliance hoops so there has been some renewed interested in security. IT put up a number of posters that remind my Ukrainian coworker of the propaganda back in the mother country. Had to take an online course in which I was encouraged to become a “Human Firewall.” It was actually okay because most all of the actors were gorgeous. For instance, right now I'm really ready to get me some pirate…



Kidding aside, all the Identity Theft hysteria did prompt me to put an access code on my iTouch. I've got all my contacts sync'd to it. Considering the damn things retail around $500, if someone stole it I don't want to be responsible for spreading info.

Passwords are like bubble gum:

• strongest when fresh
• should be used by an individual, not a group
• when left laying around, will make a sticky mess

Alive

In a great mood this morning. While it's somewhere between cool and crisp it felt great to have the windows down and the moon roof open while Alice Deejay moved me along. I'd forgotten what great driving music their only album was. Drove a little too fast on the freeway because of it.

Filling up on the way in an attractive man in business attire pulled up behind me in the exact same Celica. Year, paint, sport options, fog lamps, etc. Put as much bass in my voice as possible and said, “Nice car.” with a nod. Shared a laugh and some stories. Apparently his burns as much oil as mine does now, which I found interesting. I never did get around to the “Are you married? Wanna fuck?” questions but it was a fun random moment.

Now… work. Ignore the beautiful day outside. Yay.

Evil Willpower

Summer is right around the corner so I have to stay serious about the regimen. One thing that helps maintain my resolve is doing wrong by others. Shopping for groceries Saturday I saw 8-packs of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Hershey's Special Dark on sale. These are two of my favorite candy bars so I bought one of each. Kept them out of sight yesterday then brought them in this morning to place in my bucket 'o sugar. A few people have passed by and exclaimed, “Full candybars?” to which I grin innocently and say, “Help yourself!”

Yes. YES! Help themselves to 220 calories of love-handle expanding doom!! *evil cackle*

As funny as I make it sound, it does keep me motivated. I will go home tonight will a feeling of victory. Though they sit here in plain view and easy reach, I shall resist!

Recognition via Mp3 Player

Had a entertaining lunch with the COO and the CIO today. Was sorta funny to have us trench workers mixing all the way up to the top of the corporate structure. I mostly behaved myself until the end when they asked for random questions. Mine was, “Have you located talent in India to replace us yet?”

At the end of our discussion they gave each of us an 8gb iPod Touch. It was surprisingly generous and in my estimation, not deserved. Instead of giving it back I went to Best Buy and traded up to the 32gb version for an additional $200. *snicker* Between the Shuffle and the 160gb Classic, I really don't need it. In fact I was seriously tempted by one team mate's suggestion to traded it in towards a PS3. Yet that seemed disrespectful. It will be a fun memento of the last few months of drudgery.

This will be the third Apple product under my roof. *shudder* Can't be a good sign.

Just Another Pretty Face

Being in that wonderful Monday morning state of mind my eyes read “Natural Antioxidants” as “Natural Intoxicants” on the box of Swiss Miss No Sugar Added with Calcium Hot Cocoa Mix Rich Chocolate Flavor 60 Calories per envelope. One of the coworkers I sigh over was across from me wondering what I was snickering to myself about. When I told him, he looked at me completely blank. I sighed again.

Tried to recover by adding, “I wonder if it's Vodka or Rum, I've been more partial to Vodka lately.” His eyes sparkled now that I was speaking his vernacular. He laughingly says he goes right for the bourbon to which I shuddered and asked with a scrunched up face, “Corn?” There were one or two more words to cover the pain. Anything more would have been flirting so I fled.

Ready for Another

Felt sick Friday so I called in. It was half sick and half meh. Yet as the day progressed so did the strength of the sick. Didn't go out Friday night and wasn't even able to finish Kara. Shaun had invited me to an impromptu party Saturday night so I felt obligated to go, but it was a real fight to get my ass out of the house. Was fun though. Learned how to play Euchre, won a DVD version of Press Your Luck, and kicked collective ass in Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. Was totally exhausted when I got home around 2am.

Managed to hit the gym Sunday then got some groceries done. Wasted the rest of the day with a little gaming and videos. Thought about getting in some Saloon since I'd had so much sleep, but I wouldn't have been able to make it in to work at a reasonable time. So here I am. Ready for another week.

Another Fun-Filled Weekend

Here at work a second Saturday. I don't mind doing stuff from home but having to come in is annoying. It's a team effort though so even though I don't have a lot to contribute, I need to be here as a show of support. Having missed my Friday night out last weekend I warned that I wasn't skipping this weekend. Still I felt confident I could be here around 10am. Oh well.

That's so how my slut life works. When I really want some attention, there's nothing. When I am trying to behave or just chill, there's options. Last night's was Pete. My usual lust-type… great hair, tall, skinny, swishy, etc. He's only of those rare finds that wants the opposite of his body-type, so I was in. Caught Shaun for a minute and really should have just danced with him then went home. Andrew was also there looking very fine and letting me feel his nipples, so it would have been nice to snuggle up with him. Yet no. I was feeling dirty so I let Pete drive me to his place.

Strange guy. He claims to be bisexual which made me giggle to myself. Yet his inexperience with men did show as we sat on his couch. He was all about giving and not receiving, so I ended up naked and feeling like a side of beef on display. Physically and psychologically I was loving it. I'm always so insecure about my body but I was really getting off on this. Finally talked him into bed a little after 5am.

Lightly dozed through the snoring and finally got out of bed around 9:30am to get dressed. Though he'd expressed the desire to drive me home in the morning I've learned it's best to let sleeping tricks lie. Called my cell from his phone then walked across the street to call a cab from the Holiday. When I asked where I was the look on the cashier's face was priceless. Left a voice mail on Pete's phone then was headed home ten minutes later.

Another hour and here I am. Ready to work. *sigh*

TOS in the House, Represent

I was happily coding when the Project Manager dropped by for some insight. While I have enjoyed being “dealt back in” to some Architecture steering, it can be very distracting to switch tracks, losing momentum. I gave him a fiercely annoyed face. He laughed and the conversation went:

PM: “Do you remember the Star Trek episode where the kid projected a mean image?”
Me: “Naturally. That's The Corbomite Maneuver.”
PM: “No no no. This is the one with the kid from Gentle Ben.”
Me: *Spock arched eyebrow* “Unfortunately I'm not that old.”
PM: “Uh huh. Well, The Corbomite Maneuver had the Klingons in it where Kirk used a code the Klingons had already broken.”
Me: *eye roll* “Now you're mixing episodes. That could be Day of the Dove or The Trouble with Tribbles… or are thinking Next Generation? There's an alien child that uses holography to convince Riker he's been caught on a secret Romulan base.”
PM: “No. This was definitely the old series.”
Me: “Okay. You remember the crazy looking alien at the end of the credits, right before the Desilu logo comes up?”
PM: “Right! That's the image the kid projected.”
Me: “Yes. That's The Corbomite Maneuver. Now what the Hell do you want?”
PM: “Well, you just made that face at me when I walked up.”
Me: “...”

Thankfully Memory Alpha had an image of the alien so we were able to move on. Still, I love being right about the old stuff. Bitches need to not doubt.

Honesty is Its Own Reward

Coworker back in Utah got a promotion so I felt obligated to congratulate her. I loathe doing so because she's sweet, genuine, self-effacing, and easily engaged. It's impossible to disentangle my self abruptly as per my usual since it's akin to whacking an innocent, doe-eyed bunny with a 2x4. *sigh* In her appreciative reply she asked how I was and if I'd read any good books lately. My response was:

Doing well, thanks! Little dating, little drinking, and a good bit of sleep. Enjoying the last spurt of summery warmth with cold temperatures just a month a way! *cheers* How about you? Have you killed anyone yet?

Last book I read was James McGreevey's autobiography. Currently working through David Eddings' "How I Write Books" book. Probably not things you'd consider too exciting. What have you read? Is it K-12?

Hope all is well and not burning!

I'm so passive-aggressive with my spite. I would stop doing it if I didn't find it so amusing.

End of August Already

I've been pleasantly surprised with how the 35W redirection on I-94 and 280 have affected my commute. Getting in I've noticed no difference while going home is actually a little faster. West-bound on I-94 is a bit more confusing as one lane was destroyed, only to return when 280 merges. Then there's also a stretch where the shoulder is now a lane. It was all done pretty damn quick but looks like it will work until the bridge is rebuilt—currently slated for the end of 2008.

Today is the work outing to the State Fair. On the way in I could see the rotating arm of that huge whirly-thing I rode twice last year. While I wouldn't voluntarily go, it's fun taking a slice out of the work day to go with the team; the animal smells, hand-made knick-knacks, and screaming children will be diverting. Like last year, Tanya has offered to buy whatever food/drink/alcohol we come across so I'll likely be sick tonight. Already checked my camera batteries so I might have more shots this year.

• The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.
  Ralph W. Sockmanul

Idle Hands, Indolent Mind

Main project is going through an overhaul so half the team has been reassigned to mitigate budgetary impact. This basically means zero-traction coding and a dramatic increase in “WTF CLUE PLZ” meetings. So I got some illustrations started:

The Beginning of the End There must be a way to isolate and inhibit the breeding impulse. We must break through the 10% barrier.	Coming In for a Landing The mothership hovers effortlessly above the Travolta Prime Dome.

Anyone who has tried to create gradients with a ball point pen will forgive me. Not sure why I have Scientologists on the brain, but I was thinking Tom Cruise must have a kick-ass mother ship by now. I do know that stupid people are still breeding, so there should be some way to curb that. Unfortunately I didn't have time to sketch out ideas of what to attach the emitter to. Perhaps sea bass. Ill-tempered sea bass, if they're available.

Anyway. Back at my desk I'm losing all focus. I keep wanting to wave people away like Aughra parted vines… gesture indifferently while mumbling, “Boojai boojai boojai!” Heh. Yeah, I'm excited that The Power of the Dark Crystal is supposed to start shooting in a few months. *snicker*

Organizational Announcement

These little announcements always make my day:

Effective immediately, the Financial Systems team, formerly in the Finance Department, will be combined with the Business Information Systems team in the Technology department. [Hoop_Jumper_001] will lead the combined team in the role of Executive Director, Business Information Systems, reporting directly to [Big_Hoop]. The integration of these teams will enable us to develop and execute a strategy for providing stronger business analytics that will help us more effectively manage the company’s operations and drive business strategy while ensuring operational effectiveness for important financial, workflow, and sales support systems.

Slip

Last night was the company picnic. It took the form of BBQ/Tail-gate party followed by a trek to the nearby Saints game. It was the quintessential nightmare; coworkers with significant others and children in tow. Felt so lonely. Ate a hamburger while catching up with people I knew. Fled a little before 6pm.

Was exhausted so I crashed on the couch, starting up some TNG. Watched two episodes then went into the bedroom for a nap. That turned into ten hours of sleep—hate doing that. There were some people I need to call and random things to catch up on. Woke up around 6am to get a few things done.

On the way into work I got caught behind a slow-going red Topaz. The driver was some college-aged chick with a long, mousey-brown ponytail who would hyper-turn when checking her blind spot. There was some dorky plastic animal on her rear-view mirror and a bunch of hippie bumper stickers lined up in front of me. Did enjoy one of them: “If you don't trust me with a choice, how could you trust me with a child?” Adoption is the obvious answer yet it was still a good observation.

Despite the initial bouts of summer heat I brought a jacket in today. While my BMI is still unfavorable, I've lost enough insulation to where the over-zealous air conditioners give me a distracting chill randomly throughout the day. I would venture this is some sort of Karmic retribution after all those years of teasing skinny friends in the winter.

Wardrobe Prevarication

Sometimes I think I'm awfully clever. I finally have the prettiest straight man in the building saying “Hello” without prompting so I decided to step things up. Was staring at his ass while following him back from the break room when I noticed he was in chinos. Chinos! Not only that, they were trendily un-ironed; one of the pocket covers was all bent even.

Guess I should explain. This guy is crazy with the formal dress. Always in slacks with the Oxford button down. Everything pressed, colors consummately tuned. All of this covering a taut little 5’10” body with the dark hair/dark eyes that I so often lust over. While he will get a little foxy with the product, it's never enough to look unprofessional.¹

So anyway. I overtake him and say at his shoulder, “Are those the most comfortable pants you own?” Got me the laugh I was looking for. Scrunches up his face with a little chuckle—so adorable. Made me want to lift him up by the waist and shake him while making cooing sounds. Instead I continued with, “You're always showing everyone up with your attire. Do you even own jeans?” He tilted his head a little and said he occasionally wears some on Friday nights.² Suppressed other comments since the fork in our path was fast approaching.

Love doing this shit though. I commented on his pants which clearly says, “Dude! I'm checking out your ass!” Or does it? Though my voice was accusatory I was actually saying, “I watch how you dress that hot body of yours, My Little Ken Doll.” Or was I? It all comes down to construal when walking a tight rope over our HR department's gaping maw.

I'm going to draw this one out. Savor it. *snicker* This rejection junkie stuff gets old but at least it keeps me in practice. For without equivocating, life would boring.

• Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac.
  Madonna, Forbidden Love

---

1. Fucking metrosexual cock teases. Hate them all.
2. What his ass must look like in jeans. *shudder* Though he'd have me arrested, it'd be worth it.